Good morning! The photo is from yesterday at the park of my oldest son and his youngest son. Little Caleb is 7 today.

There were some rain showers but my husband and I were still able to meet with family and have a picnic. We made a big pot of spaghetti and brought a little gas stove so we could warm it up in the event that we would be rained out and grilling would be hard. The stove is easy to use on a picnic table and can be used under a shelter. We also brought some hotdogs and buns. It was rain free in the afternoon but steamy and warm. If someone had breathing problems the air was not good.

Yesterday morning after the first shower came through I walked up the country road I often take . I was thinking in color and had a glimpse in my mind of a wire bound red notebook I recently purchased at Walmart. When the school supplies go on sale I buy some extra paper and crayons and pens because they are the cheapest they get, I think the spiral notebooks were only 20 cents. I thought about how I like to write and how many hours I must have blogged on Multiply which is now closing in December towards blogging. I thought about the stacks of wire bound notebooks and steno books I have accumulated through the years, most of them before I got a computer. They are filled with journal entries, prayers, poems and scribbles. They show glimpses of life as my children were growing . I wish I would have written more!

In my thoughts yesterday I saw the red wirebound book and had ideas of writing something in a decorative manner on the front page. I'm not sure I even remember the poem I decided on but I shall try. It was something like, "No lock , no key, just respect for me. Within this book are my thoughts and dreams..I can't remember . I'll come up with something though. I'm thinking about journal writing again with a pen or pencil. Sure I will still blog but I miss those journals. I have no notebook computer I can carry around but there is something about paper and pen!

I have a hard time blogging sometimes because my heart and my family are so intertwined and I want to freely write what is there. The joyful is easy to share , the painful not so much. I guess I don't mind so much if I have a limited audience of friends but I am still careful. It's a hard week. One of my sons who has a big family is headed up north to start a new job as I am typing this. In a couple weeks the rest of the family will join him. It is about 5and a half hours away. Now they are about 45 minutes away. I love seeing my grandchildren . I have a blast with them when they come over and breath a sigh of relief when they leave too but all in a good way. I'm always ready for them again. Now things will be different, some weekend trips as we are able perhaps the kids or part of them at a time spending a few days here.

Well anyways I am just going through stuff is all I can say. That is a part of it. It's been a difficult year beginning with my Dad passing away and some of the crazy emotions with that and other things I just can't talk about right now but in the midst of it all there is some light shining through . It  takes time and love and faith that it will be enough.

My Pastors wife had this verse up yesterday morning and I am claiming it. I can't share everything in life here only that as good as it is there are struggles and I also have someone close struggling with depression but getting some help with it . I'm still struggling myself but it is not me I am talking about. For me it's just been a hard year beginning with my Dad's passing away . My family is in my heart always. I feel joy and sorrow and a mixture of emotions or even numbness sometimes. Here is the verse "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the lives of your children. "Lamentations 2:19

Blogging, good, notebooks good, expression good but my safe place is before God alone and to Him alone will I pour out my heart for He already knows the deepest part of me and He loves me with all my imperfection